I sit here thinking about Christmas pasts. I have been doing alot of thinking recently not just of the holidays either. It seems that when something major happens to you or in your life you seem to want to reflect on your life. So here is what I have been reflecting on.
So has you know my mom has dementia and I have been trying to handle it the best that I can. But with the holidays things are normal and not so normal as I am learning out quickly. Something that worked at Easter I found out didn’t work at Thanksgiving. So Christmas we are trying something new too. So for Christmas Eve we are having a meal at my moms house where she feels comfortable. I don’t know how you all handle holidays with your loved ones, but if you have any advice I would appreciate it.
So this is now, but I still reflect on Christmas past. Now you have to understand when I was growing up I had a unique childhood is how I like to put it. I was able to not only have one set of parents, but two. I grew up having several Christmas’s every year. For example I would go to my grandparents on my dad’s side then to my grandparents on my (step) moms side then I would venture over to my moms side of the family. So I always said I had three Christmas’s. Now I am grown and have a family of my own and we have done our thing too. Over the years traditions have changed up a bit, family drama and such I am sure you all know what I am talking about on some level. My mom and I haven’t always been close, but we are now and she will always be my mom.
My thoughts now are how long do I have l left, will this be the last Christmas I have with my mom, how long will it be until she forgets me, what is this doing to my kids memory of their grandma just to mention a few thoughts I have going on in my head.
I belong to a few groups on Facebook that one is mainly about dementia support and the other any form of caregivers. I know I am not the only one going through this, but I wanted to share this with you all to let you know you are not alone either. I haven’t been feeling the spirit of Christmas either, but push on for my kids and my hubby. We just put the tree up and the kids decorated it and I bit my tongue as to not discourage them from how they are decorating. They won’t be little to much longer.
So to wrap things up in lack of a better word it is ok not to feel ok!
Merry Blessed Christmas and a Happy Blessed New Year from our house to yours!!!