It’s a new year and my mom is still in the same location as she has been for almost a year. No new place any time soon. But as I keep saying it’s in Gods hands.
It’s been hard over the holidays this year. Everything seems different this time around. My oldest is in his senior year and life is happening too along with all that is going on with my mom too. This is not easy any way you spin it.
Things still seem to be changing and haven’t really settled yet. I belong to this group on FB and I see what is being talked about in the group happening to my mom too. One visit she had packed up all her things and was ready to go somewhere didn’t know where, but somewhere. Another time she is edgy and unsettled another day she seems herself and that nothing seems different. My youngest said it’s like one of those books where you get to choose the story. I said that is a good interpretation of what is happening to Nana. Her story can change every hour, minute, and or second you just never know.
I can tell you I miss my mom in how things use to be. I could talk to her about anything and she was my sounding board. Never judged me or suggested anything to me just listened to me. It was nice since at times when I was growing up it seemed that I needed to watch or had to choose my words just right. That is what it felt like to me. Now I need to watch what I say to her since I don’t want to upset her since I don’t know what could set her off or make things worse. This is all the disease. I HATE IT!!!! I don’t say hate often, but in this case I think its appropriate to say.
Each time I visit my mom I don’t know who I am going to get. So I go in with the mind set I can do this an she as a person is my mom, but her mind may not be who I know when I first see her. As some may know about Dementia and Alzheimer’s some common things are forgetting thing, like names, days, where they are, etc… yes this is happening more and more for my mom and it’s hard sometimes to see and hear, but then you have at the same time that special moment or moments like today. Recent thing my mom likes to do is hold my hand. Some times she will hold it and then another moment she will stroke my hand which then makes me realize she is still in there somewhere the mom I remember when I was little. Other thing she likes doing is to wave goodbye to us out the window from the common room. So she asks every time where are we parked and I tell her and she said that I will wave to you when you go by. I realize this may not always happen since it takes us a good five minutes or more to get to the car and she may forget, but I still go slowly and look up to see if she is there and so far she has been there looking for us and she waves. So for now this is our routine.
Thank you for reading about our journey thru the lens of Dementia and I hope in some way I can help you know you are not alone on this journey. Blessings and Sweet Dreams.