Special Events Become Remembering What Could Haves

Do you ever think about your extended family at special events for your family? I seem to even when I don’t want to. For example… these past couple of days having a great time with family. Mind you it’s not perfect by any means. But it’s us and this is how we roll. I sat there in the concert last night thinking about my son’s first concert all the squeaking and squawking and not so perfect notes. Then last night thinking of how far he has come. 145 students from 44 schools all over several different counties he is part of this WOW what an accomplishment and how far he has come. Of course he said it was hard and he felt like he couldn’t do it, but he did the best way he could. There are things he could have done differently of course we all can, but look you were chosen and part of that 145 students from several counties that is big it’s ok to take it in and be proud of your accomplishments.

We spent time together these past few days exploring the area where we were staying with the boys and I am thinking about when they were younger now almost one graduating and other a teen it was different, but a good different. Then we visited our sons soon to be college and picked up some college wear and I saw shirts for grandparents and said we would need to get some for our parents and that made me think about my mom and all these feelings came rushing back to me in how I spent my time with her as a kid and how she will never get to be with us for any of these events. We will bring some events to her, but I fear all those thoughts will never stop. It’s hard to explain it feels like she has died, but she has not she is still here only in her own world. It is so hard at times to explain how this thing called dementia can change not only the one who has this disease, but how it changes those who go through it with them. It’s called by some the disease of many deaths. I define it as such it’s a part of them that dies each time they go through a stage or change.

All I want to do is call her up and share everything with her I can, but I can’t because it won’t be the same or she just won’t understand. I miss the nonjudgmental talks I miss my mom.

Happy Blessed Valentine’s Day Mom!

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