Looking ahead I really don’t want to look that far ahead. But on days that you are not sure what is the best way to handle things in any way shape or form that’s what we seem to do “Look Ahead”. I see days that my mom won’t know who I am any more or know how to get dressed, etc… I hope and pray that this won’t happen, but on days like today you keep “Looking Ahead”. Why is it so hard to for us to handle this turn of events…WHY!!! It seems that I am the adult and she is the child, but I DON’T want to treat her like one! WHY??? I know things happen for a reason I truly believe this thru and thru or I wouldn’t be here today myself! But I am and God has a plan I just wish He would give me more of an insight into His plan that would be so nice, but life isn’t nice at times. It is mess, colorful, tangled, etc… it is “Looking Ahead” to the future not just soooo far into the future just one day, even hours, minutes or seconds into the future so that you don’t go worrying about things you don’t have any control over just be there when you can and keep those memories close and those “Looking Ahead” times closer!
Let me just say How One Phone Call Can Change Your Day for the BETTER will be my response forTODAY.
Let me just say things seem to be changing every day for the BETTER, but not for the most of the days. But I won’t go into that right now. Let’s talk about my BETTER change for THIS day!
Today I received a call from my mom just out of the blue asking about “How did I enjoy yesterday?” I in turn told her I really enjoyed myself and seeing family I haven’t been able to spend time with in a very long time. Then mom said, “That she to enjoyed herself and that she didn’t have anything else to talk about.” We chatted a little bite more about this and that and then we said our goodbyes and that was it. I got off the phone and needed to share this with the family that we spend our time with yesterday I was so happy to share this news! She remembered this event from yesterday!!! It’s like when your kids get an A+ on a test. It’s BIG news!!!
Like I also said earlier things have been changing and not for the better it has seemed for a few weeks into months it all seems to blend together. You know when you are dealing with issues when you have most of your senses they seem small, but when these similar issues come up when you are dealing with not all of your senses functioning things seem so so so BIG especially with phone calls, internet, online, etc… these are not fun.
Speaking of phone calls one almost ruined my moms insurance coverage. My mom did everything right too. She received a call from a company asking her about her insurance and the first thing she mentioned was she has dementia which was great and the call should have ended, but it didn’t. Just by speaking over the phone to my mother they where able to change her insurance. YES I KNOW RIGHT!!! She did everything right she said she has dementia! It took me so many calls later, days later and even then a few weeks later when we thought all was good one more thing came up later. A friend contacted the company that called my mom and they were nice and all, but the friend wanted this call recorded and it to be stated and to be brought up in a staff meeting that as soon as someone says they have DEMENTIA the call should stop and nothing else should be said… period!!! In turn the person from the company said she sounded fine. YES, she is FINE, but has DEMENTIA which in turn can affect different ways of thinking, understanding, etc… the call should have stopped and nothing else should have happened! This was finally resolved and a BIG learning lesson for myself.
On another note phone calls for making changes to accounts, online accounts, etc… is so different in so many ways. Another learning lesson for myself as well. I did only lose it once on one of the companies that I was dealing with which I think speaks volumes with the amount of phone calls I have made over these past few months. I understand its your job and I totally understand that you can’t give me that personal information, but if I can’t understand you while I am speaking to you now and all I am asking for is the list of information you need from me so that I can get put onto that account emailed to me and you tell me you can’t send me an email. WHAT THE &%? Yes, I understand these companies can’t put me on those accounts without permission from the account holder. I get it I understand security, privacy, etc… but it is so frustrating that I have to go thru this and do you know that it seems this POA I have as well doesn’t seem to mean anything to so many.
To wrap things up for today on a more of a positive note I will classify these other issues as minor and yes I am going to call them minor bumps on this journey of Looking Thru the Lens of Dementia they will continue to be my Learning Curves as I am along on this journey only looking thru this lens, but when I get to have a call from my mom asking me about how I enjoyed myself yesterday those are the calls I will remember forever those are the calls that matter and those are the calls that will bring glimmer’s of LIGHT thru the darkness of this thing we call dementia!
I am referring to a roller coaster which I don’t care for my self personally. But this whole dementia thing is so much like a roller coaster up one day down another. That is what it has been recently. Things seem to be changing a lot more quickly then what I or my mother expected.
Recent things that I have been working on have been trying to get in home care help, changing essentials so I can help to take care of them and along with also just being a daughter.
How do you be a caregiver and a family member a daughter all at the same time? I’ve been thinking about this at the same time as I am working on taking care of things for my mom.
I tear up every once and awhile while talking to my mom at that time I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t like this at all, not having control any more it bothers her I know it does. I try very hard not to hover/mother her it’s a learning curve BIG time for me!
At times you feel so alone, but your not. I have family, friends, church, etc… that are there for me. But if anyone as gone through anything similar knows what I mean. God and prayer is my best friend for without them I wouldn’t be able to do this at all!
My hope is by sharing my journey Looking Thru the Lens of Dementia will help someone else to let them know that you are not alone in this journey. Even though your journey may be slightly different it has its similarities. Blessings to those who are all to familiar with this memory taking disease.
Today was a day that I knew I needed to be on the phone with company support to change ID’s and updating passwords. It took me most of the afternoon into the early evening. Now I LOVE my mom with all my heart and would do this day over again if I needed to don’t get me wrong, but boy am I tired! Who knew doing all this which didn’t seem like much would make you tired.
On the a good note all has been updated and I am aware of what ID’s and passwords are now along with being contacts for things as well. I really feel for those who are on support I am sure they have heard it all too. A HUGE THANK YOU TO TECHNICAL SUPPORT! They made it so easy to take care of what I needed to take care and make sure that my mom was all set and didn’t need to worry about anything at least for awhile.
We are setting things up for my mom to make it a little easier on her from meds, to house work, etc… My mom told me that I am good at this and that I should offer support to others to show them the ropes. You know that at times I wish there was something out there that would spell things out like ok you look here for help for assistants with home care, it would be a good idea to do this for medications and it would be a good idea to make sure you have all these items together for future reference. A girl can dream, right? Who knows I might do something like this you just never know.
Putting the technical things aside today it was a good day spent with my mom and we had lunch and talked and got things DONE!
Well it definitely has been a year hasn’t it! I don’t know about you, but here is to a new year and a new out look.
Looking back over this past year I have learned about patients for a lot of things especially with how life is for me and my mom. Things are changing for her and she sees it, but she just can’t seem to change it or make her brain remember how to and that is extremely frustrating for her. I see this and I just don’t know what else I can do besides say “it’s ok” and move onto something else.
What this year has for us will be some big decisions, changes and hopefully heading the direction that God is directing us to.
To wrap this up my family and I would like to wish you all a very Blessed New Year that is healthy, Blessed and with God’s help fruitful and full! Blessings
It seems like I haven’t written in awhile, but it has been a quiet couple days. Which is great and normal for our family. Not to say I haven’t been in contact with my mom for just normal dealings. I talk to her pretty much every day which I count my Blessings that I get to do this.
Do you ever think in the back of your head when you have a conversation with your loved one will this be the last one they remember? I do from time to time. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think about it all the time just when it seems special for some reason the thought just pops right in there and makes me remember all kinds of things.
So after reading this little thought I hope you take away from this a special thought, a memory and anything that reminds you of your loved one and cherish every moment you have. Blessings to all!
Well, this past weekend started with a call from mom telling me that she might have done something that she couldn’t remember doing. My first thought ok, how bad can it be? After I got her calmed down she told me what happened. She was a target of a phone scam…yes it happens a lot even if you don’t do anything at all. My husband and I have had our fair share and to no fault of our own. So I got her to calm down and she tells me what happened. She told me she wrote it down which I am thinking that is good, but some of the information she told me later to the information she told me that day was different, but it really didn’t matter she knew to write it down which helped when I reported it. So we where able to get things in place to make sure if anyone tried to access her information that flags would go up. After contacting the bank the support person on the other end was so nice and helpful it was great to hear to reassure even myself that it would be ok. They said, “that this is one of the most used scams out there and it happens more then you think.” So the lesson that I learned from this is that I need to stay informed of my mom’s credit information even more then I was. So for those reading and haven’t thought of this it would be a great idea to go to IDtheft.gov and just to check on your information. This is also where they offer three companies that you can get your credit report for free. This is offered to anyone even if you haven’t be compromised. I am learning a lot about things that I didn’t even know that I needed to know. So bonus with something like dementia that isn’t so nice. You need to look at the good things even when it seems that there is a lot more bad going on. Blessings All.
Now you may be asking your self what is up with the title for today? It just pop in my head. I am of that generation that grew up on SPAM. Now if you asked me if I ate it any more the answer would be no and that I can’t even think of the last time that I ate it, but it was part of my childhood and memories with my mom so that is probably why this title came into my head. I greatly appreciate you coming and checking out my page. Blessing to you and yours.
Sorry, I have been a little MIA lately, but its been a little busy around here. Well where should I start…
My mom had a doctors appointment that I was able to take her to and this was a the first one in a long time since I was dealing with since a surgery that happened about a year ago and that is a story for another time. I spoke to my mom on the phone to let her know that I was coming shortly and I could hear the joy in her voice when I said that I would be coming to take her to the doctors. I have noticed that when I talk with my mom recently I hear her smiling and joy in her voice. I know this isn’t weird, but it comes back to the little things you notice more I guess. So back to her appointment I wasn’t really sure what this appointment was for since there really wasn’t much mentioned on the paperwork I just knew it was with nero and my mom couldn’t remember what it was for either just that she had an appointment. So off we went get checked in and we talk to a lovely man and try to answer his questions as best we can. Then I was asked to step out and then it was just all mom.
I am waiting in the waiting room and I go back over what some of the questions where that the gentleman asked and I knew that I needed to get some additional answers to those questions myself that I didn’t even know about. Like why is she taking this medication and that one and to know more of her medical history too. I felt like a bad daughter that I wasn’t aware of those things. After an hour mom came out and I could tell she was feeling a little tired so we checked out as quickly as we could and I took mom on one more errand before taking her home. So off we went. I didn’t ask her any questions about how it went until we were driving in the car to the next location we needed to go to and she told me what she could remember or that she wanted to share with me. Which was fine. So we accomplish what we needed to on our second stop and then home we go. As we are heading home I ask if she was hungry and if she wanted me to stop somewhere to get a bite to take home since I figured she was hungry, but she said that she was ok and could make something to eat at home. So deep down I hoped this was true. I worry about my mom making sure she is eating. So I dropped her off at her home and made sure that she was all set then it was back home for me to be a mom and take care of what my boys needed today.
I was in contact with my mom’s good friend and kept her updated as best I could for the day, but also said that I needed to talk to her and get our information all up to date with what she had and what I had as well. We are very Blessed to have her in our lives.
So I called her the following day and filled her in to what happened at the appointment and we talked about all the things that we wanted to and just talked too which you need to do from time to time. I one thing came up and I sometimes say this from time to time “I really do not like to Adult right now” , but you know you have to man up and take care of what needs to be taken care of and then afterwards you can crawl in your blanket fort and all will be better.
So my moms appointment was where she was evaluated and then she has a follow-up with the doctor in a few weeks. It has made me think now we will have something to go off of and see what our next plan of attack will be. I have found myself thinking about not my past per say, but my future of how long will I have with my mom until she forgets me or will she ever forget me. Not sure if others think about this or not it is just something that I think about. I treasure the time that I do have with her even if its a trip to the doctors or running errands since it may come a day that will all stop and all I am left with will be memories. Cherish what time you have with your loved ones. Blessing all and I wish you all a Blessed weekend!
I woke up today thinking to myself what day is it? I realized it is Wednesday a day before heading to see mom which it seems to be the day I have been seeing my mom. I think to myself what if I didn’t go this week would she be ok? My guilt comes and goes all the time. I need to be here for my family boys especially since we are doing virtual school right now. But then I think how is she really doing which I would see in person and not over the phone which I do talk to her every few days. You see when I see her it takes about an hour to travel to her then I visit for a hour or more then home again which then is another hour. That is a lot of time away from my boys who are getting older and can be left kind of. As I am writing this I have been getting interrupted by my youngest who is the one that needs a little more attention then my oldest. So this guilt is hard as I know other caregivers go through as well.
I did a quick search about guilt and caregivers and came across these two images that I wanted to share. It’s a reminder that it ok to give yourself a break. What I also have going for me is my mom has great neighbors who I can ask for help. That makes me feel a little better when I need a break. So the conclusion is WE need a break take the break it is ok.
Over the weekend was as normal as we can get in today’s days. Friday was a home football game and the marching band was able to perform their show. It as great. I was able to get photos of them performing and having a great time. Now onto Saturday we had friends and family performance and I recorded the whole show on my phone to share with my mom it always makes her smile. So I get home check that the file was backed up and deleted the file from my phone. But here is the bad side it really didn’t back up or there was an issue whatever it was I didn’t have the video. I was upset that I put all my feelings in having this video to show my mom, but on the plus side I had one part of the show due to room issues on my phone it was saved on my card. So I did back it up and it was saved. So I might not have the whole show, but I have part of it. Along with finding that it was also recorded on a YouTube video which is ok not great since they didn’t realize it was live when they weren’t on the band. But we have it.
Today I woke up thinking what do I have to do today besides laundry, make meals, clean, etc… At times I feel lost with what I should be doing. I came across MercyMe songs that made think about how things will be once mom is out of the clouds per say and can talk and think without the worry if she can’t remember she will be well I will just miss her. I Can Only Imagine is a wonderful song and movie check it out if you get a chance. I also listened to a few other songs including “Even If” and it made me think Even If you are going through things it will get better you just need to know God will never leave you Even If…